> The special notice is useful, but not very clear I think, from the standpoint of someone who doesn't yet know what it's about. Maybe split this up into sentences conveying separate points of information? 1. Cluster interfaces now have "static IP ranges." 2. These are needed in order to give stable IP addresses to nodes. 3. You need to edit them.
I've reworded it along your lines, thanks.
> The IP Addresses Overhaul section has a complete afterthought in parentheses. I would recommend making that a separate sentence. It can still be in parentheses, as long as the previous sentence clearly ends before the parenthetical text. Otherwise you're asking the reader to keep the whole thing in mind, just in case the original sentence resumes after the parenthetical remark.
Done!
> Suggestion:
> «The DNS server built into MAAS will only provide IP addresses in this static range.»
I've reworded it as this is not quite true any more, thanks.
> The heading "IP Addresses Overhaul" heading is capitalised differently from the other ones.
Oops, fixed.
> I suspect that the need to explain pre-generation first is what makes this hard to formulate. Forces you to go through things in an awkward order. Maybe the reader doesn't really need to know about pre-generation as such? Because in that case, I think you could cover the subject with:
>
> 1. Unallocated nodes no longer have DNS entries.
> 2. Host names are now mapped as A records.
> 3. Therefore, reverse lookup now works!
> 4. DNS management is faster.
Done.
> I would say something like:
>
> «By default, existing nodes will keep using the installer they used before.»
>
> —assuming that's what you mean, of course.
> The special notice is useful, but not very clear I think, from the standpoint of someone who doesn't yet know what it's about. Maybe split this up into sentences conveying separate points of information? 1. Cluster interfaces now have "static IP ranges." 2. These are needed in order to give stable IP addresses to nodes. 3. You need to edit them.
I've reworded it along your lines, thanks.
> The IP Addresses Overhaul section has a complete afterthought in parentheses. I would recommend making that a separate sentence. It can still be in parentheses, as long as the previous sentence clearly ends before the parenthetical text. Otherwise you're asking the reader to keep the whole thing in mind, just in case the original sentence resumes after the parenthetical remark.
Done!
> Suggestion:
> «The DNS server built into MAAS will only provide IP addresses in this static range.»
I've reworded it as this is not quite true any more, thanks.
> The heading "IP Addresses Overhaul" heading is capitalised differently from the other ones.
Oops, fixed.
> I suspect that the need to explain pre-generation first is what makes this hard to formulate. Forces you to go through things in an awkward order. Maybe the reader doesn't really need to know about pre-generation as such? Because in that case, I think you could cover the subject with:
>
> 1. Unallocated nodes no longer have DNS entries.
> 2. Host names are now mapped as A records.
> 3. Therefore, reverse lookup now works!
> 4. DNS management is faster.
Done.
> I would say something like:
>
> «By default, existing nodes will keep using the installer they used before.»
>
> —assuming that's what you mean, of course.
Yes, and done.
> Thanks for taking care of this chore!
It keeps me out of trouble.
And thanks for the reviewing chore!